trust me, i'm an alchemist - chapter 4
May. 11th, 2020 01:17 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
metisketChapter 4, in which, despite everything, everyone makes it through the Rostelecom Cup alive. And even all the way to the GPF alive! You can't say fairer than that. (Al is surprised and impressed.)
<Ed>
watched nhk trophy
<Otabek>
And?
<Ed>
you get better all the time and kicking your ass at the gpf is gonna be rough
congratulations on first
you deserved it
<Otabek>
Thank you, Ed.
<Ed>
also michele crispino is a fucking freak
<Otabek>
Rude.
But correct.
<Ed>
why is he like this?
why does emil like him?
how does sara even survive?
<Otabek>
All important questions,
but I don’t have the answers to any of them.
Unfortunately.
Emil Nekola likes Michele Crispino?
Really?
<Ed>
he says the heart wants what the heart wants
<Otabek>
I suppose.
But if my heart wanted Michele Crispino I’d ask it to reconsider.
<Ed>
RIGHT?
* * *
Nikolai has been looking forward to Rostelecom for months. He’s been feeling very deprived of Yuri in his life lately—not that he’s ungrateful! Yuri’s been sending him a small fortune every year for three years, and he’s not about to belittle that effort. Not even the parts of it that were illegal. Maybe especially not those.
Still, it’s nice to see his second adopted grandson every once in a while. Nikolai keeps thinking the boy can’t possibly be as strange and overwhelming in person as he is in memory, and then Yuri arrives and Nikolai remembers that he’s actually more strange and overwhelming than that.
It’s delightful.
Alexei, happily, has largely been home in Moscow since shortly after Yuri ran off to Japan. How he managed that, Nikolai has no idea. Alexei seems well able to talk his way into a grant and a lab anywhere he wishes to be whenever he wishes to be there. In his darker moments, Nikolai suspects there may be something not entirely legal about that, as well. But he knows better than to question it.
Not that Alexei would ever, ever answer him if he did ask. It’s debatable whether this is better or worse than Yuri, who answers all of your questions, thus making you incredibly sorry that you asked them.
What Nikolai would give for the chance to meet their mother. She must have been incredible.
“Did you just ditch poor Mila with all of your luggage?” Alexei demands after Yuri has tackled him into a hug, given Nikolai a much gentler hug, and then herded them into the car. Nikolai hastily drives off before Alexei can develop notions of going back to help with said luggage. If Yakov can’t handle the luggage of one chronic wanderer, what is Nikolai paying him for?
“Hi, Grandpa,” Yuri says brightly, ignoring his brother completely. “How’s your back?”
“No worse than usual,” Nikolai informs him. “And how are your ankles, Yurochka?”
“Not as bad as Viktor’s, I’ll tell you that for free,” Yuri says, rolling his eyes.
“Viktor’s twelve years older than you, so I’d hope not,” Alexei mutters in the back.
“Anyway,” Yuri says firmly, “they’re not any worse than usual, either. So we’re all functioning, that’s good.”
Nikolai drifts slightly, distracted by the question of whether any of them can honestly be described as functional, and only starts listening again when the discussion has progressed into a tiny war between the brothers on the topic of whether Yuri properly deserves the piroshky Nikolai made for him.
Nikolai dead-ends the argument by handing Yuri a piroshky himself. Yuri crows triumphantly while Alexei stares at Nikolai in shocked betrayal.
As much as they are entirely feral cats in personality, both brothers are much more cheerful when they’re together. Nikolai isn’t sure either of them has noticed.
Yuri inhales two piroshky in quick succession. It’s nice to know one’s cooking is appreciated. Even if Nikolai does have to give him a hard time for waxing lyrical over other people’s cooking while eating Nikolai’s. Those are the kind of manners you get when you’re raised by criminals.
They all eat dinner at home together, a happy change, and Nikolai gets to listen to the brothers squabble over nothing, gossip and complain about their acquaintances, debate theoretical physics, and fret over Nikolai’s health and happiness. Just like proper family.
Nikolai’s decision to snag two tiny criminals off the street and bring them home was one of the best he’s made in his life. His only regret is that his wife and daughter couldn’t be here, watching over these peculiar little aliens with him.
* * *
Ed has to leave Grandpa and Al after dinner because Lilia ordered him to sleep in the hotel, which, why? She thinks he’ll sleep better in a hotel than at his own fucking house?
Okay, truth: Ed can sleep equally well anywhere. Also if he’d stayed home, there’s a good chance he and Al would’ve stayed up late bullshitting about Earth science. But Lilia doesn’t know that.
He comes back to the hotel anyway because he’s terrified of Lilia. And then he manages to walk right into an impromptu Viktor Nikiforov press conference in the lobby. Crap.
He can’t quite bring himself to walk on by, though, because Viktor’s looking…unhappy. That’s a pre-Katsudon face, right there. Plus the idiot’s wearing sunglasses at night, like the world’s least effective camouflage attempt. Ed has to edge closer and check what the damn reporters are even asking to get him to look like that.
Turns out they’re asking him if he wants to skate, and when he deflects that onto Katsudon, they turn and ask if he wants to skate against Katsudon. Ed starts to roll his eyes—seriously, the man’s old for a skater. Stop trying to force him back into skating! Think of his ankles!—but then he catches the look on Viktor’s face.
And fuck. The idiot does want to skate against Katsudon. But he can’t, right? He can’t ditch Katsudon as his coach, not now. Katsudon needs Viktor coaching him to skate his best, but Viktor apparently wants to skate against Katsudon at his best, so that’s a great little catch-22. Ed actually feels bad for Viktor.
For a second, until the fucker throws him under the reporter bus to get out of answering that question. At that point, Ed goes right back to his regularly scheduled fury.
He lets it happen, though. He guesses he doesn’t want reporters interrogating Viktor about the mess he’s made of his life, either. Guy has enough problems without people writing articles about them. Then, too, Viktor took his sunglasses off when he spotted Ed, which means he doesn’t feel like he has to hide when Ed’s around, and that’s…well, Ed likes feeling useful.
It takes almost twenty minutes to shake all the assholes off and escape, though, and by that time Ed’s pretty much burned through any happiness and goodwill he’d built up hanging out with Grandpa and Al.
And then, to top off the evening, Ed reaches the elevators just in time to catch the Crispino twins getting into a huge argument with Lee Seung-gil about how rude you’re allowed to be when rejecting a lady’s advances (with Emil off to the side, highly entertained). Even for the Crispinos, this is a special kind of what the fuck.
It says something about Sara Crispino that, although there are hordes of men who would throw themselves off a cliff for her, the only guy she’s interested in is a cranky hermit who won’t give the time of day to anyone at all. What’s that about? But fine, Ed guesses he can respect Sara’s weirdness (which is more than he can say for her brother’s weirdness). Far be it from him to judge somebody for insisting on doing things the hard way. Still, if she’d asked him, he’d have recommended Mila over the cranky hermit. Like, that would be Ed’s personal life advice.
Thankfully, the Crispinos aren’t Ed’s problem. Ed has enough problems—like, say, Katsudon, who’s just skulked his way onto a different elevator and is hiding from all conflict in there. Ed barges in to join him, partly because Katsudon needs a little conflict in his life, but mostly because the Crispinos are freaky and Ed doesn’t like to spend too much time near them. It might be catching.
“What’s up, asshole?” Ed asks cheerfully, because it’s nice to see Katsudon’s face in person.
“Please don’t give me any more relationship advice,” Katsudon says, looking terrified because he’s weak.
“Speaking of your relationship,” Ed says mercilessly, “I saw your lover down in the lobby getting cornered by a bunch of reporters. They were like hyenas circling an injured gazelle, Katsudon. You guys sharing a room? Be nice to him, he’s fragile.”
“…But Viktor loves reporters?”
“Viktor loves reporters if they’re asking about you, or coaching, or coaching you. He gets all dead-eyed and uncomfortable if they ask him about himself, and he’s been like that for at least three years. Fucking pay attention, Katsudon.”
Katsudon is eyeing him shrewdly now. “Did your brother tell you that?”
“…Maybe. What the fuck, you’ve never even met my brother.”
“I’ve heard stories,” Katsudon says, scooting out of the elevator on his floor and beaming like the asshole he can be when the mood strikes him. “Good luck tomorrow!”
“I hate you, sleep well!” Ed calls back as the door closes, just catching Katsudon’s laugh in response.
Ed thinks he’s gonna enjoy Rostelecom.
* * *
“Wow. What the fuck is he wearing?” Yuri demands of Lilia, staring at Lee Seung-gil on the screen in the ready-room. Staring, in fact, at one of his most serious competitors, in open horror. In front of cameras.
It’s as if Lilia’s taught him nothing. “An eye-catching costume that fits his theme,” she informs him severely. It’s even approximately true.
Which is why it’s offensive when Yuri eyes her in blatant doubt. “Aren’t you always saying beauty is truth and truth is beauty?”
“Aren’t I always also saying that babbling whatever nonsense crosses your mind in front of cameras is a poor life choice?”
Yuri beams at her, clearly delighted. Lilia refrains from glaring at the cameraman creeping closer only by enormous force of will. “Gotcha,” says Yuri. “Diplomacy.”
This is going to be an internet-wide meme within the hour, Lilia knows it. “Pay proper attention to your competition,” she tells Yuri. “Arrogance is unattractive.”
“I’m not arrogant!”
She looks at him.
“Okay, I’m a little arrogant,” he admits, apparently not noticing the cameraman’s gleeful grin. “But not so arrogant that I don’t watch my competition!”
And he does, dutifully, watch Emil Nekola, who is up next. Nekola is a very talented skater, but he isn’t a dancer at all, and Lilia has no time for that. Call it a bias.
Yuri, however, is personally fond of Nekola, or so Lilia deduces from the way he flees her presence and scampers over to harass the boy the instant he leaves the kiss and cry.
Yuri is a fine student: strong, flexible, disciplined, increasingly graceful, and receptive to criticism. But the boy is devoid of professionalism, and Lilia really does despair of him sometimes.
* * *
“Good skate,” says Ed, sidling up to Emil and incidentally escaping Lilia, who is clearly in a Straighten Up and Fly Right kind of mood.
He feels a little bad—Emil had been calling out to Mickey, trying to give him some loving encouragement before his skate, and Ed maybe shouldn’t have interrupted that.
Or maybe it was doomed from the start, seeing as Mickey’s too busy getting uncomfortably intimate with his sister’s hand to pay attention to any reasonable romantic interests. And then he goes off and skates that insane short program of his, probably also uncomfortably about his sister, definitely about pretending to be a knight.
Ed knows this about a man in a tin can: he could kill that guy in under a minute.
“Okay, but I feel like you could do better,” Ed says eventually.
Emil, unsurprisingly, laughs. Because that is his way of expressing everything, all the way from delight to towering rage. “I told you, Yuri! The heart wants what the heart wants.”
Ed shrugs. “Good luck, then, I guess. Maybe get Sara on side.”
Emil taps his lips thoughtfully with a finger. “Not a bad suggestion.”
“I know from siblings. Though I like to think my brother and I are nowhere near as creepy as the Crispinos. I like to think that no one is as creepy as the Crispinos.”
“Hm. You say that because you haven’t met my siblings.”
Ed stares. “…That explains a lot about you.”
Emil beams.
* * *
<Al>
Bad news, Ed.
<Ed>
oh, come on. don’t lead with that.
what the fuck happened?
who’s dead?
<Al>
Brother, don’t be so dramatic.
No one is dead.
I mean. No one we like is dead.
People we don’t know are dead, though. Probably. All over the place.
<Ed>
I will kick your ass, al. I’m your big brother, and I can still kick your ass.
<Al>
Grandpa’s sick.
<Ed>
WHAT
<Al>
He’ll be fine!
He’s only got a stomach thing—no big deal.
Not great for attending a sporting event, though.
<Ed>
you could’ve put that another way
<Al>
Sorry.
<Ed>
like
grandpa has a stomach bug
not
GRANDPA’S SICK
PROBABLY DYING
DON’T WORRY
JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW RIGHT TH EFUCK BEFORE YOU SKATE
IT’S COOL
<Al>
You are SO DRAMATIC.
No wonder you and Georgi don’t get along!
It’s like trying to put like poles of two magnets together!
<Ed>
did you just scare years off my life and then compare me
to FUCKING GEORGI?
that’s it. you’re disinherited.
<Al>
Good luck on your skate, Brother.
<Ed>
and don’t be a passive aggressive little shit about it
<Al>
I hope you do well. :D
<Ed>
unbelievable.
…
tell Grandpa to feel better.
* * *
Ed’s trying to focus on his skate, but it’s hard when he’s low-key freaking out about Grandpa in the back of his mind—and probably unnecessarily, too. Fuck.
Further screwing with Ed’s ability to focus, Viktor’s decided to make a spectacle of himself by getting down on the floor and kissing Katsudon’s skate. In front of everyone.
Out of academic curiosity, Ed wonders if Viktor’s even capable of acting like a functioning adult for the length of a competition. He used to be, Ed remembers. Katsudon has a lot to answer for.
Though he did just skate an awesome program, Ed has to give him that. Ed particularly liked the part where he almost strangled Viktor with his own tie, and blowing that fuck-you kiss to the judges was a nice touch, too. Katsudon’s sassy days don’t mess around. And then he got his personal best score, to top it off.
As for Ed, he tries. He tries to think about Al, but that makes him worry about Grandpa. He tries to think about Winry and Granny Pinako and Teacher and Sig, but that makes him fucking sad. He tries to think about Otabek, but he misses Otabek and that’s not the right vibe for this. He tries to think about stupid Katsudon and Viktor, even, but they’re such morons that it’s hard to feel non-exasperated affection for them.
He gets through it, and technically there’s nothing really wrong with it. But he knows he can do better than that. Lilia’s making a face at him and everything, fuck, he’s gonna get killed.
And then JJ smirks at him and says something about his height. Ed may or may not scream in his face, and it all ends with Lilia violently dragging him by the ear to the kiss and cry. Even Ed’s good score doesn’t make up for that. Partly because it’s a good score he only sort of feels like he deserves.
JJ proceeds to further insult Ed personally by skating the world’s most boring program and still getting a better score than Ed. Again. And then he kisses his reflection in the ice like somebody who needs a brick to the head. This day fucking sucks.
But wait, it gets worse, because then Katsudon’s unbelievable family calls him and tells him they tried to kill Viktor’s dog. Holy shit.
This is nowhere near the worst day of Ed’s life, because that is a high fucking bar, but it is putting November on his shitlist to keep company with October just out of sheer being annoying.
To relieve his feelings, Ed writes an outraged text to Mari about appropriate and inappropriate moments to spill bad dog news. Then he sends a text to Yuuko asking how she feels about dogsitting.
* * *
Ed lurks in the lobby that evening waiting for Viktor to appear, because he wants to, whatever, see him off. Though he has to hide behind a pillar when Viktor and Yuuri have their whole emotional goodbye, because ugh. Then he has to sneak out the side door and chase Viktor to his taxi, not because Katsudon’s not allowed to see him talk to Viktor, but just because the whole thing is awkward now.
Everything ever is Viktor’s fault.
“I love Katsudon’s family,” Ed announces abruptly, causing Viktor to jump and turn away from the taxi driver. “You know this.”
“…Yes?” At least now Viktor’s looking more confused than miserable and stressed.
“Yeah, they’re the best, but here’s the thing: they cannot be trusted with dogs.”
“Yurio—”
“First they kill Katsudon’s dog, and then they call him and tell him about it in the middle of a competition. Why would anyone do that? The dog is already dead. At that point, you shut the hell up and pretend it died the day after the competition, seriously. I am disappointed in Mari.”
“Yurio, I’m sure—”
“And now they’ve almost managed to kill your dog, and once again they feel the need to bother Katsudon about it in the middle of a competition, like there’s anything you or he can do that a vet can’t. Why are they like this? Was putting the manju on a slightly higher shelf too hard for them? It’s a good thing they’re better with kids than they are with dogs or else Katsudon would never have survived childhood, maniac that he is.”
Viktor seems a little stunned. (The taxi driver, meanwhile, looks surprisingly invested in this cheap entertainment.) “…What is your point, Yurio?”
Ed gives him a serious look. “Next time, leave Makkachin with Yuuko. Or Minako. Or literally anyone other than the Katsukis, because they’re great people, but they’re accidental dog-murderers.”
“Yurio—”
“And don’t worry about Katsudon. Me and Al got this.”
Viktor blinks, bemused. “Got this?”
“Yeah. If Katsudon has a meltdown because he talked his coach into ditching him mid-competition, we got him.”
“You’re offering to…give my Yuuri emotional support?”
Well he doesn’t have to sound so fucking skeptical. “If I can’t do it, Al can. He’s staying in the hotel with me the night after the free skate, so he’ll be around.”
“Oh. That should be fine. As long as Alyosha’s there.”
And there you have it: Viktor is a dick.
* * *
The next day starts off well—Grandpa arrives bearing both Al and frigging katsudon piroshky, possibly the coolest food Ed has ever eaten.
Things only go downhill from there, though. There’s a swarm of reporters who want to know Ed’s feelings about Katsudon, a topic he is not ready to address even in the privacy of his own mind or to Al, so definitely not to any reporter bastards.
Add to that, Mila’s having some kind of weird, Sara Crispino-related crisis that Ed is trying so hard not to pay attention to, but it’s, you know, there. Maybe she just figured out Sara has a thing for Seung-gil? Whatever. It’s not stopping her from skating like a badass, at least.
And lastly, there’s this increasingly awkward vibe as the day goes on, because Ed’s safe in the bosom of his skating family, but Katsudon’s all alone. It’s making Ed feel guilty. He gets that Yakov and Katsudon have no idea how to handle this, but Christ, even reporters are noticing it’s weird.
While Ed’s distracted with brooding over Viktor’s failures, Lilia gets bored and wanders off to terrify people somewhere else (“assess the competition,” she says, but Ed knows what she’s really up to), which leaves Ed all alone with a shouty Yakov. So he bolts at the first opportunity. He’s…below average height (he’s young! He still has time to grow! Fucking JJ), which makes it easy to disappear into a crowd. And it’s not like running away from Yakov will make a difference in how pleasant this competition is going to be, anyway. Yakov’s been maxed out on rage ever since Viktor ditched him; he can’t actually get angrier.
Meanwhile, Katsudon’s off in a corner aggressively making himself miserable. Ed can’t be having with that, so he marches over to harass the man into a good mood.
“Katsudon. Have you ever wondered if you and Viktor have lives that are too dog-centric?” Ed inquires. “Maybe?”
Katsudon stares at him like he’s speaking Amestrian. “There is no such thing as a life that’s too dog-centric,” he says with absolute conviction. With, in fact, the most conviction Ed has ever seen him have about anything.
Ed grins, delighted. Katsudon is the biggest weirdo in figure skating, which is a pretty huge achievement, and he should honestly get a medal just for that. “Yeah, okay. You do you.”
“You’re more of a cat person, right?” Katsudon asks, and look at that, he’s almost smiling. Ed is a fantastic distraction. Where’s Al, anyway? He should be admiring this.
“I am not a cat person,” Ed corrects severely. “Al is a cat person. I’m a cat-adjacent person, whether I like it or not.”
Katsudon gives him a tolerant look, like he doesn’t believe that for a minute, the weasel.
Unfortunately, that’s when people start skating, which seems to bounce Katsudon out of his momentary good mood and back into a state of panicked despair.
Ed tried, okay?
Emil skates first, and he’s deranged. And it’s Ed saying that. He kind of falls apart at the end, what with trying to do all the world’s jumps in one skate, but still. It was a freaky awesome program at Skate Canada, and it’s even more freaky awesome now. Even Mickey seems impressed, so, you know, progress.
Speaking of Mickey, Ed overhears Sara sibling breaking up with him before his skate. He responds by skating a beautiful program that has strong Georgi overtones, and Ed is not okay with it, not any of it, why are the Crispinos so goddamn weird?
Next it’s Seung-gil, who falls all over the place and is actually upset about it, poor bastard. If he’s only gonna have five emotions, it seems unfair that one of them is this.
Then it’s finally Ed’s turn, and he’s going to be prouder of this skate than he was of his short program if it kills him. And it might, because after Skate Canada he talked Lilia into letting him make the jumps way crazier, and he hasn’t tried that out in competition yet. Fortunately angry determination is a good thing to feel for this program, so he doesn’t try to reign it in at all.
He maybe rolls with it too much, in fact, because by the end, he feels like he’s going to collapse, puke, or puke and then collapse into the puke. And sponsors would not like that look.
Lilia looks proud, though. She would. She’s always been about pushing past mere limitations of the human body. God, she is so much like Teacher.
Ed gets a damn good score, and he’s happy about it. He’s almost sold on this naked costume thing, because he’s increasingly convinced it’s giving him at least a two point boost. He turns to gloat at Katsudon, but Katsudon’s already on the ice.
On the ice and looking like he’s in the middle of a waking nightmare, fuck. And Ed can only be so pissed off at Viktor about this, because Katsudon did literally order his ass back to Japan.
There’s nothing really wrong with the skate. Not wrong wrong. But it does feel like Katsudon’s sleepwalking through it. He’s graceful, because Katsudon is graceful falling down a hill, but there’s none of his Cup of China passion. Well, not until the end—he does seem to pull it together toward the end. Sort of.
Then Katsudon gets to the kiss and cry and freaking hugs Yakov, of all people, and Ed is officially concerned.
Meanwhile, JJ has no idea how close to death he came when he made fun of Ed for worrying about Katsudon. It’s lucky for him that Lilia thinks murdering competitors is tacky.
Ed doesn’t bother watching JJ. He knows already. Of course the fucker wins, because that’s this year’s Rostelecom all over.
Still, Ed makes the Grand Prix Final and so does Katsudon. That’s what matters, here.
Mickey doesn’t make it. Ed…tries really hard not to be relieved about that, but he totally is. He feels bad.
* * *
Ed walks into the hallway leading to the locker rooms after the award ceremony, and Katsudon immediately tackles him in a hug out of nowhere. This is very uncharacteristic behavior for Katsudon.
“Okay, what the hell is wrong with you now?” Ed demands, hugging back automatically, and noting with alarm that Yuuri’s actually shaking, just a little. Ed knows Yuuri by now. Whatever this is about, it’s nothing so simple as not skating as well as he wanted. Things are never simple with Katsuki Yuuri.
Ed eyes the crowd over Katsudon’s shoulder, because apparently everybody who skated today felt the need to congregate in the hall just now. Seung-gil looks emotionally scarred, JJ and his parent-coaches look baffled, and Sara Crispino and Emil, both bewildered but amused, are physically supporting Michele Crispino, who looks like he’s about to pass out on the floor from trauma.
“Did you just run around hugging everyone?” Ed asks suspiciously. Yuuri murmurs back incoherently. “Did he just run around hugging everyone?” Ed demands of the crowd at large.
“Yes,” Sara replies, looking increasingly delighted as she thinks it over. “Yes, he did.”
Sara and Mickey were at The Banquet too, Ed remembers. That explains why they’re being the way they are. Meanwhile, Emil is also starting to look delighted, because that’s the kind of asshole he is.
“Alright, well, show’s over. Don’t you people have hotel rooms to go back to?” Ed asks, shooing them impatiently away with one hand, but keeping hold of Katsudon with the other. Who knows who the maniac would hug next if Ed released him? “I’m taking Katsuki back to my brother and we’re feeding him. I got this.”
The crowd breaks up, some more reluctant than others, but after what Ed feels is far too long, they finally clear out, gossiping all the way. He gives Katsudon another thirty seconds or so, then says, “Okay, they’re gone. Are you cool to stop hiding now, or do you need a minute?”
Yuuri pushes his face more firmly against Ed’s shoulder and says nothing. Which, fine. Hiding it is. Ed’s brain problems and Yuuri’s may be on opposite ends of the spectrum, but Ed thinks he’s getting pretty decent at knowing when to shut the fuck up and leave it.
It takes another five (honestly sort of boring) minutes before Katsudon mutters, “We can’t just stand in the hallway all night.”
He doesn’t move, though, and he said that in Japanese, which is his language for family and for secrets. Which means he’s not ready to leave yet, even if remembering that the outside world exists is a step in the right direction. “What do you mean, we can’t stand here all night?” Ed demands. “I dare anybody to come here and say to my face that the silver medalist is not allowed to stand in the hallway of the very venue where I kicked ass.”
Yuuri snorts quietly.
“Anyway, whenever you feel like leaving, we’re just gonna go hide in my room with Al, who has food. You could go catatonic or have violent hysterics or whatever, and it wouldn’t impress Al, because he’s lived with me for years. As for me, I already know what you’re like, so it’s too late to impress me. Bottom line: you won’t have to deal with anybody, because me and Al will be the only ones around, we don’t care what you do, and we don’t welcome strangers in our room. Like, we really don’t. I don’t know if you know this, but I have knives.”
Yuuri sighs at Ed, which takes some nerve. “You brought knives to Rostelecom?”
“Katsudon, I bring knives everywhere. I can’t believe you would even ask me that.”
Yuuri actually laughs a little. “Okay,” he breathes, finally straightening up, looking nearly calm. “It was probably bad for my back to be bending over that far anyway.”
“Who are you calling so short you have to bend double to see his face?!” Ed snarls, shocked and enraged.
Katsudon just smiles an untroubled smile because he has no sense of self-preservation.
“You are so lucky it’s practically your birthday,” Ed complains bitterly, grabbing the front of Katsudon’s jacket and dragging him toward the door. “Serve you right if I drop-kicked your ass directly out a window. Ungrateful.”
“I’m very grateful, Yurio,” Katsudon says softly and sincerely, and stuff like this is exactly why it’s impossible to hate the weird bastard.
Ed manages to get Katsudon back to the hotel and into their room, anyway, and shoves him onto the couch next to Al. The room this time has a tiny kitchen cubbyhole with a microwave, and Ed’s halfway through heating up Grandpa’s piroshky before he realizes Katsudon and Al have never actually met before. Oops.
Well, Al’s good with people. Ed and Grandpa are more good with food. Everybody should focus on their specialties, basically.
And yeah, when Ed comes out with nice, hot piroshky, Al and Katsudon are having a comfortable chat about Al’s goddamn cats. All seven of them. Al needs to be stopped.
Katsudon is appropriately appreciative of Grandpa’s awesome katsudon piroshky (which Ed is totally going to learn to make), so that’s good. Ed lets him eat in silence punctuated by pet stories as a reward.
But then he feels like he’s been patient enough, so he goes ahead and asks for clarification on what the hell is wrong with Katsudon this time.
“Nothing’s wrong with me,” he says, the lying fucking liar.
“Don’t bullshit me, Katsudon,” Ed snaps impatiently. “You were hug-attacking competitors. And Yakov. That’s not your normal.”
Katsudon hesitates, then says slowly, “Viktor told me that if I needed help, I should hug Yakov, and he would help me.”
Viktor apparently hadn’t realized that Yakov would treat a skater who is basically his son differently from a skater who he barely knows and finds vaguely suspicious. Viktor is useless.
“So when that didn’t happen, you just went around hugging everybody in the hope that somebody would help you?”
Annoyingly, Yuuri smiles. “It worked, didn’t it?”
Ed does not deign to respond to that. He is also firmly ignoring the entire thing that Al’s face is doing right now. Whose side is Al on, anyway? “I told Viktor we had you! He should’ve told you to come to us. Bastard has no faith in me.”
“No faith in you? Did he say that?” Al asks, amused, while Katsudon seems weirdly bewildered.
“He asked in this tone of disbelief if I was planning on ‘providing emotional support.’ He only calmed down when I promised you’d be there. He’s a dick.”
“Viktor winds my brother up whenever he’s bored or stressed,” Al explains to Katsudon completely unnecessarily. “Brother is so predictable, I think Viktor finds it soothing. Like a clockwork toy.”
“I’m killing Viktor and then I’m killing you,” Ed announces.
“You would die for me, brother,” Al counters with casual, total confidence. And he’s right, too, the weasel.
Also, Katsudon can stop beaming at them like they’re adorable any time. Ed is not adorable.
“Anyway. So you needed help and hugged everybody. Why did you need help?” Ed asks, taking the heat off himself and throwing it violently at Katsudon. “You and Viktor aren’t that codependent. Plus, you’ve been weird since before the short program. What’s the deal?”
“You don’t have to answer him,” Al cuts in.
“Uh, yes you do, Mr. Hug Attacker. I had to rescue you from yourself in the middle of a hallway; I deserve to know why.”
“Don’t listen to him,” Al insists, casually dragging Ed down onto the couch with them and attempting to smother him with a throw pillow. “He was raised by thieves and wild animals.”
“No, it’s… I don’t mind if he knows,” Katsudon insists, all hesitant and awkward. “I just…it’s hard, being in Russia, realizing…I don’t have a right to keep Viktor to myself. I can keep him for a while, but. I can’t steal him from the world. Not forever. And that’s…I don’t know what will happen after this season. I don’t know.”
“Get a grip, Katsudon,” Ed suggests, successfully fighting off the pillow.
Al sighs, disappointed. “Stop helping, brother.”
Katsudon chokes out a laugh, even if it is a sad laugh, which Ed feels proves that he is helpful.
“What? He’s fine, he knows I’m right. He’s just doing his whole I’m worthless spiral, and it’s bullshit. Anyway, nobody gets to do this forever, not even Viktor. We all gotta have plans for afterward, and you’re Viktor’s entire plan, so don’t fuck that up for him.”
Katsudon slow-blinks at that one, but does not engage. “What’s your plan, Yurio?” he asks, like that has anything to do with anything. But fine, Ed’s probably interrogated him enough for now.
“I’m gonna go work at CERN and see if I can punch a hole in the fabric of reality,” Ed declares.
“It’s going to be the most amazing grant proposal ever written,” Al murmurs.
“…Wow,” says Katsudon. He doesn’t even know what to say after that. Ed’s plan is so awesome it makes people speechless.
“It’s not quite as ridiculous as it sounds,” Al announces, which, rude. “Ed has had about five minutes of formal education in his life, and yet he’s somehow involved in an ongoing theoretical physics death feud with my advisor. Every time I see my advisor, the first thing he asks is, ‘How’s your brother?’ with an alarmingly manic expression, and it always devolves into twenty minutes of me fighting Ed’s battles by proxy.”
“But you take my side, though,” Ed points out, pleased.
“Because I know you’re right,” Al agrees, because he’s the best brother. “The second you’re wrong, I’ll throw you to the wolves of academia without a moment’s hesitation.”
Damn, Ed raised this kid so right. He’s proud.
Katsudon, on the other hand, looks troubled. “No formal education,” he murmurs. “So when you said Yurio was raised by thieves and wild animals…”
“Only the wild animals were an exaggeration,” Al says brightly. “And I’ll be honest, they were only a slight exaggeration. Also I left out the smugglers and the prostitutes.”
“You make me sound so shady,” Ed complains. “The wild animal thing happened to you, too. And so did the smugglers!”
“And yet you’re still far more shady than I am, Brother,” Al informs him. “And every friend you’ve ever made on your own except Otabek is just as shady.”
“How did…was that…” Poor Katsudon. Poor Ed. They both thought they were sticking to Katsudon’s personal problems today, not Ed’s fucked up history. But you can’t stop Al when he’s on a tear.
“We were separated as children,” Al says, going all the way on this thing. “I won’t go into the details.” Of course he won’t: that would make him look almost as bad as Ed. “But we wound up in different parts of Russia with no family, no money, and no idea where the other one was. We made it out alive, which is pretty good, I think. But there was some collateral damage. You’ve seen Ed’s scars.”
“How did you find each other?” Katsudon asks, now extremely alarmed.
“I found him,” Al says with a smirk. “He was just staggering around the country hoping to bump into me, apparently.”
In fact, Ed had been researching and ruining all the human trafficking operations he could get his hands on. He and Sergei rescued a shitton of kids in between running guns, even if none of them were Al. He still sends Sergei’s guys any relevant information he picks up. He’s never mentioned any of that to Al, though. It implies a lack of faith in Al’s ability to survive, and Ed doesn’t want to have to justify that.
“You did not find me,” Ed corrects. “The cops found me.”
“The police I made friends with specifically so that they would help me find you, yes.”
“You don’t have to be so smug about it.”
“I had a pretty good idea he’d immediately turn to a life of crime given half a chance,” Al confides to Katsudon.
“Shut up—”
“So becoming friendly with police seemed like the quickest way to catch him. Unfortunately, Russian police are harder to befriend than I thought they would be, so between that and Ed’s habit of moving from one side of the country to the other every few months, it took almost a year to find him. Because he was being unnecessarily difficult—”
“Because I didn’t want to get arrested—”
“But we got there in the end.” And Al beams happily.
The good news is, they sure got Katsudon’s mind off his own problems. The bad news is, he may never recover from this short summary of Elric problems.
…Is Viktor going to be pissed off about this?
* * *
<Yuuri>
Yurio tried to comfort me after my skate.
<Viktor>
Yuuri, I’m so, so sorry.
I abandoned you to that.
<Yuuri>
It’s not your fault!
And he actually did an okay job? At first.
But then he and his brother started telling me stories about their childhood.
Have they ever told you stories about their childhood, Viktor?
<Viktor>
Oddly, no.
<Yuuri>
Oh, that’s right.
Yurio thinks you’re too fragile.
<Viktor>
…DOES he?
<Yuuri>
Why don’t they think I’M too fragile, Viktor!?
Because I am!
Too fragile for their life story!
<Viktor>
I’m so, so sorry, Yuuri!
I will meet you at the airport
and comfort you after your Plisetsky trauma!
<Yuuri>
God, I can’t wait.
See you in 13 hours.
<Viktor>
<3 <3 <3
<Yuuri>
:)
…
<3
* * *
In December, Ed competes in the Golden Spin of Zagreb. He likes Croatia in general and Zagreb in particular, so walking around the city is fun.
Bonus: the only person he really knows at this competition is Guang Hong, and that makes for a surprisingly stress-free event. Guang Hong’s kinda terrified of Ed, for one thing, so he’s almost unnervingly quiet and polite in Ed’s presence. (He’s gonna have to get over that if he ever starts dating Leo.) For another thing, the guy’s only serious flaw is a tendency to dick around on his phone too much, and since he got burned in China, he’s pretty much straightened up on that. And hey, Ed likes Guang Hong’s coach too. It’s all win.
Literally. Ed also wins. No goddamn JJ Leroy in sight.
Ed hasn’t had such a chill competition in…well, not since Katsudon arrived on the scene, that’s for sure. Admittedly, it doesn’t feel like a real win since he didn’t beat JJ or Katsudon or, say, Viktor. But a win is always better than not a win.
It’s probably a bad sign that he’s looking forward to seeing all his favorite emotional wrecks at the GPF. What do they call that in Al’s books? Stockholm Syndrome?
* * *
Ed barely makes it into the lobby of the hotel in Barcelona before getting accosted by 1) his fans, who may or may not collectively have rabies, and 2) JJ goddamn Leroy.
Seriously, can a guy not have five freaking minutes to relax before being thrown into the shark tank? He hasn’t even found Al yet! But Lilia gives him a Look as she grabs his luggage and abandons him to his fate, so now he has to more or less behave himself.
And he does! He chats. He socializes. He’s in the middle of handing over a list of people who have said unfairly vicious things about his friends and therefore must be destroyed to the Angels when he gets interrupted by JJ and company, and that’s not his fault. He’s not the one being rude.
“Wow, he’s so popular!” says JJ’s fiancée, who Ed presumes is seriously damaged just by virtue of wanting to be married to JJ.
“Yuri’s Angels are famous,” JJ explains pompously.
“Oh? But I think JJ Girls are better about obeying the rules. And we’re cuter!” the fiancée announces to everyone in the lobby.
Ed narrows his eyes at the fiancée, who is kind of…smirking at him. Is he…is he being trolled by a JJ affiliate? Is that what’s happening here?
Huh. Looks like somebody’s still pissed about that time he flipped JJ over the boards. Well, Ed can respect loyalty.
“My fans could eat you guys alive,” Ed says all the same, because it’s just the truth. “I really wouldn’t get into it with them if I were you.”
His fans make a sort of…ominous mob noise. It’s not a loud sound, but it is a worrying, skin-crawling one—the sound a crowd makes right before it starts throwing rocks, breaking glass, and setting shit on fire. Ed is so, so proud that his fans have taught themselves to make that noise without any intention of following through on it.
JJ discreetly steps in front of his fiancée to shield her, proving he’s not a complete asshole. He’s still got a stupid smile, though, and he’s about to open his mouth and start yammering again when a much more welcome voice cuts him off.
“Edward,” Otabek says, sounding tired. “What have I told you about threatening people?”
“…Not to get caught doing it?” Ed tries, smiling despite himself because he hasn’t seen Otabek in person for ages. He’s gonna have Otabek and Al in the same town at the same time! This is awesome.
Otabek sighs. “We’re going to dinner.”
Ed beams. “Okay. Let me call Al and tell him where I am before he freaks, then we’re good. And you guys.” He turns and points at the Angels. “Do your worst.”
They nod seriously and scatter. It’s so nice to have minions. Even if they did manage to take about five hundred pictures of him talking to Otabek that will doubtless be all over the internet complete with creepy speculation about their relationship within the next five minutes.
You can’t have everything.
“Otabek,” JJ says, sounding shocked. “I didn’t know you were friends with Yuri!”
Otabek stares blankly at him and does not respond. Ed snickers and calls Al.
“How long have you known each other?” JJ persists, much to the interest of the lone, lingering Angel who thinks she’s hiding from Ed behind that potted plant, but he sees her. He points a threatening finger her way. She smirks unrepentantly. What a fail minion.
“Years,” Otabek responds unhelpfully, after an uncomfortably long pause. JJ seems nonplussed.
“Al,” Ed says when Al answers. “Otabek and I are going out for dinner. See you in an hour? Unless you want to come too.” (He says this in Russian, so Otabek can understand, as opposed to Amestrian, which is the usual Elric language.)
“Ah, so that’s why you’re laughing,” Al says, smirk somehow audible. “I’ll stay in tonight. I need to unpack, and you two need time to catch up. But please don’t get yourselves arrested this time.”
“We didn’t get arrested last time!” Ed insists. “…Technically.”
Crap. The Angel was probably close enough to hear that. Now it’s gonna be all over social media and Yakov is going to scream for a week. Ed should’ve used Amestrian. (It’s funny to read people on the internet desperately trying to figure out what language it is. He thinks he likes the advanced twinspeak theory best.)
“Uh huh.” Al is clearly unimpressed. “See you in an hour, Brother.” Then he hangs up on Ed. And he’s meant to be the polite one.
“Al ditched us,” Ed informs Otabek.
Otabek nods. “Tapas?”
“Oh my God, that’s right, we’re in Barcelona. Tapas. Let’s go.”
Whenever they find themselves in a restaurant that serves lots of little-plate type dishes, Otabek always lets Ed order one of everything on the menu (if that’s a physically possible amount to eat), and politely never asks how he can afford it. Possibly for reasons relating to plausible deniability.
This dinner’s already fantastic and they haven’t even eaten yet.
* * *
The next day is just practice and relaxing, and it’s shockingly calm for this crowd of divas. Nobody’s crying, freaking out, or making a public display of themselves. Except JJ, obviously, because making a scene is his only setting.
Ed turns to look at absolutely anyone other than JJ, and spots Katsuki goddamn Yuuri giving Viktor a sassy wink. Ed has to hurriedly look down at the ice before somebody catches him grinning proudly at Katsudon. He has an image to maintain.
He does march over to bother Yuuri and Viktor before they escape the rink, though. He hasn’t said hi to them yet. It’s polite to say hi.
Except Katsudon looks unholy gleeful to see him, which is alarming, and immediately drags him over to meet Phichit. Well, officially. Unofficially, Ed already knows everything there is to know about Phichit and has taken ruthless advantage of that fact.
“Hello, hi, oh my god,” says Phichit, practically bouncing in enthusiasm. “You are a walking meme, and I love your work so much.”
“Thanks?” Though the more Ed thinks about it, the less he’s sure whether that was a compliment or an insult.
“Also, your fans totally hunted me down online and asked me to help them murder everyone who doesn’t like Yuuri,” Phichit goes on chattily.
“What,” says Katsudon, obviously horrified.
“I told them to do that,” Ed admits. “Should’ve asked you first, probably—”
“No, no, your fans are a blessing,” Phichit assures him. “A scary blessing, but still. They’re not actually killing anyone, are they?”
“…No?” Ed hopes not, anyway. Sometimes wishing makes things happen.
“What,” Katsudon repeats, even more horrified.
Ed and Phichit ignore him, and they chat their way through showering and changing, through the halls, and out onto the street where they find Al. Phichit’s just as likable and secretly evil as Ed suspected.
(Meanwhile, Viktor has been suspiciously quiet and amused this whole time, and therefore is probably planning something stupid, while Katsudon looks like he bitterly regrets introducing Ed to Phichit. That’s what you get for plotting, Katsudon.)
“Al,” Ed says cheerfully. “This is Phichit. He kicks ass.”
“I recognize him,” Al says, smiling. “Nice to meet you, Phichit. I’m Ed—uh, Yuri’s brother, Alexei.”
“Nice to meet you, too!” Phichit replies, clearly fascinated.
“Hi Yuuri. Hi Viktor,” Al goes on. “Looking forward to kicking my brother’s ass?”
“Yes,” Katsudon says instantly, and Viktor laughs, and damn, Ed has no friends here at all.
While Ed was getting picked on, Phichit was busily tapping away on his phone, and now he’s sidling over to Ed, apparently eager to share the phone news.
“Yurio. Yurio, your brother is famous,” he hisses loudly, staring incredulously at whatever his phone is telling him about Al.
“You’re goddamn right he’s famous,” Ed agrees proudly. “He’s a genius.”
“You’re a genius, Brother,” Al insists, rolling his eyes. “If you had more than a couple of hours a day to spend on science, you’d be way ahead of me.”
Ed eyes him thoughtfully. “I don’t think so,” he says. “We’ve always been about square, even when we were kids. You being a year younger should’ve made a difference back then, but it didn’t. Pretty sure you’re smarter than I am, Al.”
“I’m really not—”
“Don’t argue with your big brother.”
Phichit makes a high-pitched squeeing noise of pure delight and starts typing frantically. Ed thinks about trying to contain that situation, but decides it’s not worth the effort.
“Anyway, we should go to lunch,” Ed announces.
“It’s early for lunch,” Katsudon protests feebly.
“Brunch,” Ed insists, staring determinedly into Katsudon’s eyes.
“Brunch sounds like fun!” Viktor says brightly, pretending to be oblivious to the psychic get me out of this messages his boyfriend’s trying to send him.
And so they go. Viktor spends the whole meal being himself, and apparently nothing can be done about it. But at least he seems happy. Katsudon, though, is unusually high energy and nervy, like he’s working himself up to something insane. Troubling. Still, Ed’s pretty sure they can’t make their problem into his problem. Though God knows they’ve managed before, so it’s not a sure thing.
Meanwhile, it takes Al and Phichit about half an hour in each other’s company to become lifelong friends and co-conspirators. Katsudon looks worried about this, but not as worried as he would be if he knew Al better. Ed, for example, is horrified.
* * *
Yuuri isn’t sure what he thought would happen when he introduced Phichit to the Plisetsky brothers. Not this, though. Because this is Rostelecom all over again—it seems like Alexei’s been waiting for the right kind of sympathetic audience to rat his brother out to for years, and that’s why Yuuri is in the process of learning far too much about Yurio’s life. He thinks he’s almost as distressed about it as Yurio is.
He also doesn’t appreciate the way Alexei always waits until Viktor’s gone off to the toilet or outside to chat with an acquaintance before coming out with the truly awful stories. Yuuri wants to know what it takes to be considered fragile by the Plisetskys, because he would love it if they thought of him as fragile.
How has his life come to this?
“…and then Ed beat up the john, but then the john’s brother came by with his friends and they had so many guns, and anyway Sonya—that was the prostitute—had to hide Ed under her bed until they went away.”
“It was gross under there,” Yurio mutters, shuddering. “Sonya was at Rostelecom, by the way. She didn’t tell me until it was all over or I would’ve introduced you.”
“And he’s always like this, and he’s always been like this,” Alexei informs them matter-of-factly.
“So you…make a habit of hanging around with prostitutes so you can beat up anyone who tries to hurt them?” Yuuri asks, desperately hoping, despite all the evidence, that he’s misunderstanding this. “And then you steal all the cash from the people you beat up?”
Yurio stares at him, blank-faced. “It’s a hobby,” he says.
“This is the best day of my entire life,” Phichit insists tearfully. Of course, Phichit also said that when the most recent The King and the Skater movie came out, when he took his first selfie with Viktor, and when he discovered spicy curly fries. Yuuri decides not to read too much into it.
“It’s too bad,” Yurio marches relentlessly on. “Because in a minute I’m gonna look old enough to be a threat, and that means johns won’t wanna pull that shit in front of me anymore. I’ll have to get a new strategy. But that’s life; you gotta adapt. You know how it is.”
Yuuri does not know how it is, and he doesn’t want to know, either. This is like Detroit but worse, because most people in Detroit have a sense of self-preservation. “Please pick a different hobby,” he says firmly. “This one seems really dangerous, Yurio.”
Yurio mutters something incoherent, followed by, “be thou for the people.”
“Be thou for the people?” Yuuri repeats, confused. “What’s that from?”
Yurio shrugs off the question impatiently. “Whatever, I’ve been kicking the asses of guys twice my size since I was ten, okay? Johns are almost never scary, and when they are, I can outrun them. It’s not like they’re my Teacher or anything.”
“…Teacher?” Yurio put a certain, ominous emphasis on the word, and it’s just one more thing that’s worrying Yuuri about this conversation.
“Yeah.” Yurio and Alexei both shudder and go pale. Yuuri tries not to think about what kind of person could make Yurio shudder in horror. “Lilia reminds me of her so much, you don’t even understand.”
“Ms. Baranovskaya will never throw knives at you,” Alexei says in a soothing voice.
Yuuri turns to Phichit, horrified, but Phichit just beams unhelpfully back at him with the gleam in his eye that means he’s mentally composing hashtags. Yuuri turns to look for Viktor, but he’s been waylaid on his way back to the table by a fan. Viktor would be horrified too if he were over here, and he would definitely not be composing delighted hashtags.
“Anyway!” Yurio says loudly. “What are you guys up to after this?”
“Sleeping,” Phichit says fervently. And Yuuri understands his feelings completely, but this time, it looks like he’s going to be the social one. How strange.
“Viktor and I are going sightseeing,” he explains.
“And I have to proof a paper, Brother,” Alexei says apologetically.
“Cool, cool. No, that’s fine. You can all just ditch me,” Yurio says with an incongruous grin.
“Think of all the trouble you can get up to in Barcelona without me monitoring you,” Alexei responds, eyebrow raised.
“Oh, I am,” Yurio declares, throwing down money and bouncing out of his seat. “See you losers tomorrow, when I kick your asses on the ice.”
“Your brother thinks it’s going to be the other way around,” Yuuri points out. It’s true, after all.
“Put your skates where your mouth is, Katsudon,” Yurio says in parting, waving over his shoulder as he walks away, bumping Viktor’s shoulder in passing, and ignoring his brother’s scolding for rudeness.
If Yurio were as deadly on the ice as he is in casual conversation, no one would stand a chance.
Chapter 5
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Date: 2020-05-11 03:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-05-13 02:01 am (UTC)Thank you so much for the comment!
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Date: 2021-08-13 04:45 am (UTC)